Make Me Laugh

Cosmo (sung by Donald O'Connor):

Though the world is so full of a number things,
I know we should all be as happy as
But are we?
No, definitely no, positively no.
Decidedly no. Mm mm.
Short people have long faces and
Long people have short faces.
Big people have little humor
And little people have no humor at all!
And in the words of that immortal buddy
Samuel J. Snodgrass, as he was about to be lead
To the guillotine:
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Don't you know everyone wants to laugh?
(Ha ha!)
My dad said "Be an actor, my son
But be a comical one
They'll be standing in lines
For those old honky tonk monkeyshines"
Now you could study Shakespeare and be quite elite
And you can charm the critics and have nothin' to eat
Just slip on a banana peel
The world's at your feet
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em...
Make 'em laugh
Don't you know everyone wants to laugh
My grandpa said go out and tell 'em a joke
But give it plenty of hoke
Make 'em roar
Make 'em scream
Take a fall
Run a wall
Split a seam
You start off by pretending
You're a dancer with grace
You wiggle till they're
Giggling all over the place
And then you get a great big custard pie in the face
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Don't you know... all the... wants...
My dad...
They'll be standing in lines
For those old honky tonk monkeyshines
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Don't you know everyone wants to laugh?
Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha
Make 'em laugh, ah ah!
Make 'em laugh, ah ah!
Make 'em laugh, ah ah!
Make 'em laugh!
Make 'em laugh!
Make 'em laugh!

"Make 'Em Laugh" ~ Singin' in the Rain (1952)
https://youtu.be/SND3v0i9uhE

Actually a quote from baseball great, Yogi Berra, I believe, :

“When you come to a fork in the road….take it.”

Rodney Dangerfield – I get no respect:

I was 8 years old – on my first airline flight with my parents.

We were traveling over the ocean.

My mother put my hat on and said “Go outside and play”

Have you heard the one about the corduroy pillow?
It's making headlines.

What's the opposite of irony?

Wrinkly.

Ripping this off from an Instagram Reel.

My wife asked me, "Have you seen the dog bowl?"
I told her, "No, I never knew he could."

A cheese factory exploded in France. Da brie is everywhere!

As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden.
The plot thickens...

I bought art on fine art america :)

Bread to the dough;

Don’t mind the baker. He’s just trying to get a rise out of you.

What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?

Phillipe Phillope

ARTIST: I'd like your opinion on my painting.

CRITIC: It's worthless.

ARTIST: I know, but I'd like it anyway.

Dog owner: "The neighbors tell me you've been chasing people on bicycles!"

Dog: "They're lying, I don't even have a bicycle!"

Maybe an image can make you laugh - as this horse was laughing at me for taking his picture. :)

Spelling is hard... a couple of letters get messed up and your whole sentence is urined....

I'm thinking about removing my spine. I feel like it's only holding me back.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day , but I couldn't find any.

I got a booster shot recently because the doctor told me my laugh was contagious.

Hee Haw!

Why do doctors whack newborns on the bottom?

To knock the weenies off the smart ones! 0:)

Firstly, thank you all for making me smile this evening!

I must admit I do also like the occasional geek joke. Such as...

- There are 10 types of people in this world,
- Those that understand binary, and those that don't.

That joke’s a “10”!

Why don't they play poker in the jungle??

There are too many cheetahs.

Richard, please brush your horses teeth.
I have a toilet brush I can loan you.

Today I gave my dead batteries away. They were free of charge.

My uncle raises crops on a large property. He had the sniffles and I ran into him at the farmacy last week.

The inventor of Pop Rocks: Sugar is not good enough; it also needs to detonate.

A few years ago I was fired from my job at a tennis equipment factory for being too loud.

I was making a racquet.

I keep a large stone in my pocket to fling at anyone who starts Christmas caroling before Halloween.

It's my jingle bell rock.

I can’t believe anything my tailor says.

Everything is a fabrication with him.

My wife was relaxing on the couch, reading a book.

I walked in with a tape measure, stood about five feet away from her, and started pulling the tape out, closer and closer until it eventually smushed against her cheek.

She yelled, "What are you doing!?"

I said, "I'm measuring your patience."

And we laughed and laughed. Anyone have a couch I can crash on for a bit?

My friend doesn’t like cashews or pecans. He likes almonds, but only on Fridays.

I told him that was nuts.

What did the broccoli say to the cauliflower?

You’re looking a little pale.

No, I'm not "talking to myself."

I’m having a staff meeting.

"Some people call me the space cowboy…"

"Some people call me the gangster of love…"

Barista: "I'm just gonna put Steve on the cup."

My uncle works in the adhesives industry.

He’s a union member.

The person who named The English Channel missed a big opportunity.

It should have been called the B B Sea.

There was a sorcerer in my chair on the front step.

He said, I hope you don’t mind. I just needed to sit for a spell.

My uncle works in a pie factory.

He said he’s had his fill of it.

My therapist said I should write letters to the people who have wronged me and then throw them into the fire.

I said okay, but then what am I supposed to do with the letters?

Hotel security had left me a message.

I don’t know why anyone would leave my door a jar.

Mr. Bean always carried an umbrella.

He didn’t want to get soaked.

I once dated a one-legged girl who worked at a brewery.

She was in charge of the hops.

My school said that I'd never succeed in poetry because of my dyslexia. Well they were wrong! So far I've made two vases and a jug!

Donald Duck quacks me up.

I didn’t think the fruit stand would be so crowded, but there was a bunch of grapes.

What do you get when a truck full of books crashes into the ocean?

A title wave.

Why did the corn-on-the cob join the Army?

It wanted to become a kernel.

My boyfriend was on the way to introduce me to his parents for the first time
On the way we got a flat
He phoned his mum, 'Mum, I am going to be late...I got a puncture'
There was a quiet pause, a sigh, and his mother said, 'O, we really hoped you had a real girlfriend this time'

What do ghosts like to eat?
BOO-berries!

I tried to talk to this girl I met at the art museum.

But it was a bust.

Everyone liked the tree in our front yard. I had to get rid of it though.

It seemed a little shady to me.